Friday, May 21, 2010

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Management,

I don't know who you are or what "management" even means for that matter.  But here I am writing a letter to you.  My mommy sometimes tells me, when I am really, really upset that I should write a letter to management about my current state.  She says it very lovingly mind you.  But so convincingly, like it really is a good idea.  Since I don't really know what sarcasm is either, here is my letter.

So management, I would like to know why there is not food in my mouth the second I wake up and open my eyes.  I mean really.  If I don't feel something nourishing dripping down the back of my throat is .02 nanoseconds (is it ironic I know what a nanosecond is, and not the definition of management?) I will lose it.  Better yet, I will highly recommend to all my acquaintances that they stop frequenting this particular eating establishment.  I know a lot of babies my age.  At least two of them share a room with me.  I know a bunch of others too.  I don't really know how to reach them at any given moment or really where they go when they are not in my line of sight.  But if they ever show up again in my direct line of sight or even my periphery, mark my undeveloped vocabulary, I will tell them to try and get their daily intake of calories somewhere else.

I'll do it.  So let's be quicker on the meals, huh?  Just for clarification: 1) eyes open 2) food.  In that order.  In that immediate order.  Do not pass go, do not collect $200.  Eyes open.  Food.  Do not test me on this.

I love my mommy.

Sincerely, C.H.G. 

  

3 comments:

Mike/Margaret said...

Now Christian, give Mommy a break. She only has 2 hands and three beautiful babies to feed. One of the most important things to learn in life is patience. Your Grandpa never learned it. It makes life easier, and people don't get cranky with you. Give your brother and sister a hug for me.
Love Grandma

kwad said...

Man, does that sound familiar! And everyone should take advice from your grandma. :)

Melanie Sharp said...

You are hilarious! Love it -