Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My New (potential) Business

I have a brilliant new business idea.

I am going to open my own self-defense studio and teach lessons about...what else, self-defense!

(Although I'm a little worried my target audience might be a little small -- both in numbers and stature.)

The people who will really benefit and enjoy my classes will be the people who are forced to get into a seat with buckles on a regular basis.  I've geared my entire curriculum to this population.

I have three basic moves, each inspired by little people in my life who have seemingly perfected these very useful moves.

1. The Dead Fish - when someone attempts to pick you up to put you in your seat, simply go limp.  Pretend you have no bones and just melt into the floor.  Once on the floor, squirm and flop like a fish out of water.  It also helps if you scream like someone has just cut off both your big toes.  This move is also popular when someone takes your hand and leads you in a direction you don't want to go.

2. The Board - you might not be as skilled at the Dead Fish, which is where the Board will come in handy.  When someone actually gets you into the position of the chair, and you are about to be buckled, pretend you have no hip joints and straighten yourself out.  Just like a board.  Also, screaming does help distract the perp, they won't be able to decide whether to cover their ears or pursue the buckling any further.

3. The Cyclone - This move only works before you are brought to the chair.  When you are picked up, just start spinning and spinning in their arms like a big, crazy cyclone. This one is not for the faint of heart however.  You must appear to have no fear as to where you might land if you are dropped.

Great plan, huh?  I just need a little start up capital to get it off the ground.  If you are looking for a business investment, let me know.  I'd be a great business partner.  I'd only ask you to babysit on the days that end in Y.    

From the Desk of a Busy Mom with Busier Kids.  


The Colbys... written by Erin said...

bahaha! Why are you so funny!! Man I can totally relate! Madge has become a pro at ALL of these tactics. She can be your right hand man/baby. When shall they stop this nonsense! Love your posts! Such a light tone for such hard everyday mom stuff. And it IS hard... even when they're "boneless" as we like to call it:)

Anonymous said...

OMG. Seriously, nothing makes me madder. Mine likes "the scramble" where he ends up running down the hall with one pant leg on, laughing maniacally and thumping his chest. Seriously. He does that.

Karen said...

Hahaha, I have to agree with Erin. Hunter is all three! I dread every time I have to go anywhere. It's a war zone getting in the car these days. At least I don't have two others to strap down after I get Hunter in. Haylee calmly gets in the and buckles herself. Oh I love having a 4 year old. I'm out of the two year old and 3 year old phase with a girl, for now.