Sunday, March 1, 2009

December 2006


Day one - joy! We finally did it! Positive! Two lines! Joy! Joy! Joy!

Day two - lots of library books checked out. And still joy.

Day three - spotting. Books say this could be normal.

Day four - still spotting. Phone call to the doctor. Blood test that day.

Day five - just worry.

Day six - another blood test.

Day seven - a lot of blood. Bleeding, bathtub, sadness. It's over. I know it is before the doctor calls to tell me what the blood tests mean. It's over. Within a week.

Sadness, despair, pain. Searching, praying, pleading. Love, support, prayers.

Hope. Faith. Understanding will come eventually. Peace also follows months - well, years later. Because it happens again. Then again.

Quiet peace and budding hope come eventually. Not in the week whirlwind that caused my need to pray for peace and hope, but it does come.

My hope is rooted in the Savior. He heals my hurt. My faith is rooted in my Heavenly Father's plan for me. He hears my prayers.

2 Nephi 2:15
And to bring about his eternal purposes in the end of must needs be that there was an opposition...the one being sweet and the other bitter.


Kristin said...

your words are beautiful. I am so sorry.

Staci said...

I have sort of been blog stalking you for awhile... I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I have lost 6 babies... It's the worst! No words can heal the pain that you feel and it never gets better. I am so sorry!
All I can say is I found a good doctor, they got me one baby, I still have lost one since then but just so you know, sometimes it actually works! If you want my doctors name he is amazing and ran every test possible to try and figure it out. He was patient and loving and let me cry and didn't make me feel crazy...
Staci Winterton

David and Brooke Gallagher said...

Kara we love you guys! You will be an AMAZING mother, my kids are so lucky to have you in there lives!

The Colbys... written by Erin said...

oh Kara! I'm so so sorry to read this today! I'm so sorry you have to go through this trial, and then going through it several times, I can only imagine. We love you guys and will be praying for ya. I know you will be blessed for your faith and testimony, I truly believe you will. Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us... if only we knew what it was. Love you!

Hamblin Family said...

Kara I am so sorry! My heart goes out to you! Though I haven't had to deal with that problem I have had family member who have also had many ups and downs in that department. I know it probably doesn't help but your time to be a Mom will come! When it does those little kids will be so blessed to have you as their Mommy!

Kamal and Amber said...

Hey! I haven't checked you blog for awhile, but I am across this post. I am so sorry to hear of your news. I know you have been trying for a long time. Keep the faith and know that you will be blessed. Take Care