Okay, I understand most of the civilized world (who is the UNcivilized world anyway?) have already read this book and have given their opinion on it. But I felt I needed to share and publish my own meaningless thoughts on the subject. Of course I'm talking about the 4th book in the series that turns grown women into crazed Edward-lovers, wishing their husbands suddenly had sharper teeth and teenagers into people that will eventually become disappointed when they realize that there is no such thing as the perfect vampire... or man.
Several people in my life have already heard my opinion on the matter. So forgive me if you've heard this before. I read a comment from a friend on a previous post and it triggered me wanting to get my opinion out there. Published. Official. (I have no adorable pictures of kids or dogs, so opinions are what you get, sorry.)
Disclaimer - I probably will give away plot points. So, if you haven't read the book, keep not reading it. Okay, do what you want, read the book if you want. But stop reading this post if you don't want anything spoiled. Stop reading if you haven't relished every succulent, juicy, heat inducing, seductive word - down to the last stinking paragraph! (Sorry about the cynicism. Also, you may find quite a few apostrophes in this post.)
Okay, everyone warned? Anyone still reading? Enemies made already? Alrighty then!
Here we go:
I was entertained with the story. A human falling in love with a vampire. Throw a sworn enemy in there in the form of a wolf man and you've got some juicy story telling. That's why I made it through the first 3 books. I wasn't what you call a die hard fan since it took me about 10 months to read the last book after it had hit the shelves. Even then, it was reluctance because I knew the thickness. Something in me told me I couldn't handle nearly 700 pages of brooding and passion and danger and blah, blah, blah. So, I finally checked it out from my local library (there was still a waiting list, can you believe it?) and read it. In its entirety.
I am so disappointed in Ms. Meyer. Honestly. I cannot believe Bella got everything she ever wanted! Everything! Coming into this book, there were real and intense conflicts set up. So Bella wants to become a vampire. What about her human family? What were they going to tell them? What about never being able to have kids? What about Jacob? What about being a crazed new born vampire? What about the treaty being broken when the Cullens changed Bella and the wolves had no choice but to hunt and destroy them? So many conflicts! Bella had such a potential for loss! The drama, the emotion, the tapestry of it all!
But did she lose? Did one of those problems actually come to pass? NO! Every single one of them was conveniently solved in very strange, too convenient ways. She gets pregnant? Jacob imprints on her offspring? Her super power is controlling her newborn instincts and making a force field? Charlie just accepts that she is incredibly different bordering on inhuman? What? He's okay with that? He develops a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There was a chance with this last book to make real and lasting literary heroes. (Okay, maybe that is stretching it.) There was a chance in this last book to make real heroes. There could have been heart wrenching sacrifice. I could have loved the ending but mourned the loss of...SOMEONE! Seriously, I'm not morbid, but someone could have not survived! Isn't that real life? Isn't that what we relate to? Isn't that why we loved the story? Because there was something so human about the Cullens despite their immortality? On some level, as human readers, we could relate to them? However, Bella gets to somehow, with ease, keep every single person she loves in her life. I can't relate to that. In my short 29 years I have experienced loss. I bet I'll experience a lot more. Meanwhile, Bella and her perfect vampire husband with their perfect half-child (don't even get me started on the conveniences of growing old until you're a perfect, ideal age...and it only takes 7 years. Oh bruther!)live in their perfect little cottage with their mounds of money. And Bella didn't have to give up one thing she wanted. Not one.
I know what you're saying. "Oh, well, you're so smart! What don't you think of a better ending!" Okay, just off the top of my head...
What about Jacob realizing how much Bella truly loves Edward and sees that she is truly happy and somehow sacrifices his life to save hers or her daughter's from the Volturi. Or what if Alice left, but never came back because she somehow gave her own life in exchange for the life of little, perfect Renesmee? (I can't wait to look at the 2009 baby name list to see if that one makes it.) I feel like there is a scenario lurking around there that could have happened to make me feel SOMETHING! All I felt at the end was indifference and annoyance.
I feel like the masses were appeased. My guess is the revolt over a dying Jacob would have been greater than the revolt against "happily ever after...ALL OF THEM!" I guess millions were already made. So the idea that this book would sell no matter what explains a lot. It's just so disappointing.
Oh well. I'll leave you with two things that were missing.
1) Singing mice to clean their perfect cottage in the woods. Or seven tiny men working in a gold mine nearby. Take your pick.
2) Willy Wonka flying around in a glass elevator and asking Bella at the end, "You know what happened to the girl who suddenly got everything she ever wanted?"
We know. We know. She lived happily ever after. Ugh.