Monday, January 3, 2011

Stuff I Learned

I can't help it. I learned stuff this past year. Like, good stuff.

So bear with me while I share. Feel free to check back in February when I'm not as contemplative. As I am a fan of disclaimers before posts, please allow this one:

I'm only thirty. I have not learned everything. Not even close. Even the lessons I've learned, have way more stuff (such an all encompassing word, isn't it?) embedded within it than I could learn in this lifetime. So while I may know more than I did in 2009, I'm still in need of education.

Lesson Learned:

Let Go. You Have Enough.

At first, it was beyond painful to be in the maternity ward seeing a new mother being wheeled down the hall with a tiny bundle in her arms following the days I delivered my own tiny bundles, whom I had not yet held. I was jealous of their sweet smiles they gave their new little miracle, wondering if they knew of the horror that was little plastic boxes and ventilators just down the hall holding fragile bodies, some barely holding on. (I was still very hormonal.)

But then, a few days later, I noticed a sign in the NICU unit on one of the doors.

Please Do Not Disturb. Bereavement.

How embarrassed I was of my earlier feelings of sadness for myself and envy toward women I didn't even know. I still had my babies. So maybe I wasn't being wheeled out the front door with them in my arms, some mother was leaving with no baby at all. I could still stand by their bed and watch their tiny ribs work and check their vitals on the monitor. Some mother did not have that. When I said goodbye to my infants that day, when I said, "See you tomorrow baby," I wept for a woman I did not know.

It was okay it took three months for the wheelchair ride down the hall. (Which, by the way, no actual wheelchair involved.) They all came home, and that was enough.

I have since reached for this lesson often. Just recently even. Our Christmas cards turned out weird and were sent out late. Ninety-percent of my holiday "to-do" list did not get done. (The ninety-percent part is not an exaggeration.) Chris was given his Christmas Eve pajamas yesterday. But all season, I was surrounded by people who loved me. I spent time with people I loved. Dear friends and family sent their own, not weird cards to our home. Despite the bone chilling cold, my heart and soul felt warm because of a loving Savior. So I let it all go. Because I had enough.


michael. mindy. dane. said...


Tina said...

I just want to say Thank You! For if you were able to do it all, on time, and perfectly, those of us having only Singletons would most likely have a nervous breakdown. :) I got your Christmas greeting and LOVE it!

Shauna said...

I thougth your Christmas card was a little chaotic:) , and I loved it!

Jimi said...

Wow...look at those handsome little men and that darling Sunshine. They sure do make me smile. I can't even imagine how wonderful Christmas morning was and will be as the years go by. And their birthday coming many wonderful memories!! Glad to have you back blogging!! Miss all your inspiring words..and of course the laughs that come out of me reading your blog!!

Mike/Margaret said...

Love your blog, love you, love the babies. Wish I could be there to help, but Grandpa will be there in 5 weeks to help.

MrsD said...

You are light years ahead of where I was at 30. I love that you cherish each moment of every day. It is a gift.

MrsD said...

You are light years ahead of where I was at 30. I love that you cherish each moment of every day. It is a gift.

Unknown said...

Your little ones are so darling in their Christmas best! Love the picture!
Thanks for teaching us the lessons you have learned - so inspiring!

Grant and Candice said...

I thought your cards were adorable and a very pleasant surprise!